How To
Write an Obituary
When a loved one has passed away, writing an obituary involves capturing the essence of a person's life and accomplishments in a concise and respectful manner. Writing an obituary may seem overwhelming, but don't worry, your obituary will honor their life simply by the act of you writing it. You want to celebrate your loved one’s life and offer happy or enjoyable memories. You are helping to ease the pain of others simply by telling a story about your loved one.
We hope that this checklist will take the stress and pressure off of you and allow you to honor your loved one. Remember, your funeral arranger is an experienced professional, and they are a valuable resource for writing the obituary.
Gather basic information
You don't have to include all of this information, but here are some simple steps to guide you:
- Full Name: Include any nicknames or titles (e.g., Dr., Rev.)
- Date of Birth and/or Age
- Name any family that preceded in death and survivors
- Education
- Vocation
- Hobbies, interest & talents
- When the person retired, if relevant
- Any military affiliations
- Any volunteer affiliations
Include service information
Family and friends often rely on an obituary for information on when and where the person's life will be celebrated, so your obituary will make it very simple for them to get that information.
You can include:
- Date and time of any services
- Location where any services are being held
- Any viewing details
- Requests for donations to an organization of your choice in lieu of flowers
Write a Eulogy
Writing a eulogy involves expressing heartfelt memories and reflecting on the life of the deceased in a meaningful way. Here are some simple steps to help you craft a eulogy:
Reflect on the Person's Life
Gather Memories: Think about your personal experiences and memories with the person. Don't feel that the complete weight of remembering your loved one is on your shoulders. Instead, talk to family and friends to gather stories and anecdotes.
Consider Their Character: Reflect on their personality, values, and how they impacted others. To think about a good story, try out some of these prompts:
- What's a favorite memory you have?
- What made them laugh?
- What was their proudest moment in life?
- What did they enjoy most?
- What is a little-known fact about your loved one?
Structure Your Eulogy
Introduction: Start with a brief introduction, mentioning who you are and your relationship to the deceased.
Body:
Chronological Approach: You can organize the eulogy by significant life stages (childhood, adulthood, achievements).
Thematic Approach: Focus on themes such as their kindness, sense of humor, or dedication to family and community.
Conclusion: End with a summary of their impact on your life and others, and offer some final thoughts, a scripture or a farewell message.
Include Personal Stories and Anecdotes
Share specific memories that highlight the person's character and achievements. Use anecdotes to illustrate their personality and values.
Express Emotions and Gratitude
It's okay to show your emotions. Speak from the heart about what the person meant to you and others. It is also perfectly acceptable to be funny or tell a humorous story in a eulogy. At a time that brings sadness to many people, it is important to remember that humor heals.
Express gratitude for having known them and for the lessons they taught.
Practice Helps Prepare
Write a Draft: Write out your eulogy and read it aloud to see how it sounds. Reading it out loud to a trusted family member or friend may help calm any nerves and allow them to make suggestions.
Practice: If you want to feel more confident while speaking in public, it can be helpful to write down a final draft and bring it with you in case you experience a moment of nerves, as we all often do. Rehearsing the eulogy may help you feel more comfortable delivering it when the time comes.
Keep it Concise
Share as much as you want to share, but it is good to aim for a eulogy that is about 5-10 minutes long, focusing on the most important aspects of the person's life and character.
Take a deep breath.
It can be difficult given all that you're going through right now but be at peace knowing that you're honoring and celebrating your loved one's life.
Attend a Funeral (Funeral Etiquette)
We understand it can be daunting to attend a funeral for the first time or any time after. Here are some general helpful tips to remember.
Do watch over children to ensure their safety.
Don't let your children be too loud and disturb others.
As always, respect others and practice awareness.
Do be respectful by keeping quiet around visitors who wish to reflect.
Don't leave your cell phone ringer on.
Any additional noise like a cell phone ringing is unneeded during the peaceful reflection time.
Do share happy memories and stories.
Don't be afraid to laugh or share humorous memories of your loved one.
Laughter and telling happy stories can lead the way on the road to healing.
Do consider the family when choosing your attire.
Don't forget, while this may be a sad occasion, it is still a special occasion.
If the family does not suggest a dress code, it is best to dress in neutral business casual.
Do plan to arrive and be in your seat prior to the set service time.
Don't miss out honoring your loved one due to untimeliness.
Remember services often only last around half an hour so every second counts.
Do participate with the service at your comfort level.
Don't stay longer than you want to or feel that you need to look at the deceased.
If there is something you're not comfortable doing, there is no need to do so.
Do follow our cemetery guideline and marked roadways as well as respect cemetery visiting hours.
Don't be afraid to make a mistake or do something wrong.
You are doing something right just by coming and caring.
If you have any further questions on how to write for funerals or funeral etiquette, contact us at any time.
